Howard Egan's Indian Doctor

by Dave Rhodes

Major Howard Egan ran the Pony Express

From Great Salt Lake City to Robert's Creek,

He was out in the West Country checking the line

And had been gone from home about a week.

It was early spring with the ground still white,

There was a brisk wind and a bright glaring sun.

That is when the snow blindness got him,

And he could not see his hand his foot or gun.

Laid up in bed at one of the stations

He was trying the dead tea leaves cure.

The damp leaves on his eyes did not work,

It was a long bed rest for him, for sure.

After a couple of days of misery two Indians came by

To see what was wrong with the white man chief.

Egan asked them if they knew a fix for the "snow eyes."

An offer of a cure was accepted in the hope of relief.

In an instant one of the Indians jumped up on the bed,

Caught Major Egan's head in both hands tight,

Without hesitation placed his mouth over one eye,

And set to sucking the eyeball with all his might!

Egan was squirming like a fish out of water,

Trying to push him off and turning blue,

He was afraid the Indian would never stop

Until he sucked the eye out and brains too!

When Major Egan had enough of this torture

He put a choke hold on the brave and tightened it more,

Then the 'doctor' jumps off, steps back a few feet,

And spits out a mouth full of blood on the floor.

After a little rest and things got settled down,

Egan said, "I believe the pain is starting to ease."

The Indian asked, "Me fix more on other eye?"

"You can fix", Egan said, "But fix little, please!"

But when he got fastened to the second eye

He worked even harder than the one before.

Again, Egan could not push or pull him off,

He was after the blood, committed to the chore.

It seemed like an hour before he finally quit,

As poor Major Howard Egan comes up for air,

The Indian spits out another tablespoon of blood,

And Egan feels for his eye to see if it's still there.

The Indian doctor looked at his patient real proud,

"Big Chief see all right in two days", He boldly said,

Egan lies there with his hands in the air, and feebly begs,

"Please, don't let him start again, I'd rather be dead."

It was exactly two days after the operation

When Egan joined the pack train to Salt Lake City.

He was completely cured of the snow blindness,

And was back to his old self, allowing no pity.

Although, as time passed on the trip he started to embellish

About his ailment, and the Indian with a cure prepared.

He would, "recommend it to anyone in the same situation."

But then, his face got real serious, and he humbly declared:

"I will gladly take this cure over the sickness without question,

But, I did have one worry with my eyeball floating in his mouth,

I feared he'd get an itch in his nose and have to let it blow,

And the sneeze would go north and the eye would go south!"

Inset at top: Ruby Valley Pony Express Station, probably built by Howard Ransom Egan