music

The Musical Horse

by Dave Rhodes

Ole Dave used to ride, what I would call, a musical horse.

I'm tellin' you, this pony really had quite a gift.

Now, the sound, it did not come out the front part,

It was . . . the other end, if you get my drift.

I could never figure out what that horse ate,

Or whatever was the reason why it had the gas,

But it had so much of the invisible perfume

It would just have to . . . well . . . let it pass.

The thing about it though, was it was so . . . musical.

I mean it was easy to forget about the smell,

And the visual image of where it came out

When this animal was playing the chromatic scale!

Whenever he did do this musical deed

And really got tuned up, I swear, he'd go on forever.

I don't know the proper way to figure the amount.

Cubic feet, gallons, decibels, or some other measure.

Now, every time when we'd start out on a ride

Ole Dave'd be delayed cause something weren't just right.

The horse would be lettin' out so much of that air,

Every so often he'd have to stop'n pull the cinch up tight.

I remember one night around the fire at camp

The boys questioned Dave about this horse's . . . talent.

Ole Dave he was kinda' matter of fact

As he told them what ownin' a horse like that meant.

He said, "I guess I've gotten kind of used to it.

Although, I tend to prefer a head wind all the time,

And when we ride spread out in single file

I always take the spot at the end of the line."

"And it can be quite embarrassing sometimes

Like when he . . . well . . . does it really fine,

And somebody says, 'who's horse is that anyway?'

I'll just walk away and mumble, 'I wish it weren't mine.'"

" I even have bad dreams about this subject.

The scariest nightmare happened late one night,

Seems the horse's . . . instrument . . . got all plugged,

And he filled up with gas and started to take flight!"

"There he was floatin' through the tree tops like . . . Pegasus!

He woulda kept goin too if I had'na acted fast.

I grabbed a nearby willow and whittled a quick point,

Threw the spear true at the spot that would relieve the gas."

"Aw . . . it was awful when the pressure broke.

He just shot around hittin' trees like a balloon let loose!

And makin that noise . . . ya know . . . when the air rushes out!

Then . . . I woke up with my face pointing right at his caboose."

"And the worst that happened was at the All Horse Parade.

By some stroke of luck I got stuck way up front with the roses.

'Bout half way through this kid yells loud so everybody hears,

'Mama, how come all the other riders have clothes pins on their noses?'"

"Even with all the negative parts to this problem

There is a positive thing about it, of course.

When the camp beans cause your own indiscretions

You can always . . . well . . . just blame it on the horse."

By then everyone felt sorry for Ole Dave,

And was glad for the civility of their own mounts.

But, one of the boys scratched his head kinda slow,

"Well, I've got a question", he says as he pouts.

"Is it true this musical horse can play Yankee Doodle Dandy?"

"Don't be silly", Dave said, "A horse can't play that song in this manner,

But I'll tell you something he can do . . . and quite well too."

"He does have committed to memory The Star Spangled Banner!"